it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
