saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
