It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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