Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
