Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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