Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I could have mohawked her pubes.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
