I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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