What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
