Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
