Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
