accomplished twins. life is a go
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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