...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
