can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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