Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
