i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
