I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
