Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
