My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
