We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
