Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
