So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
