Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
