saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
