I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
