More tranny stories later!
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
