You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
