When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
