Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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