That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
