my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
