even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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