just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
