Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish life had little blips of pornography
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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