im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
