You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
