I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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