12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
