Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
