I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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