Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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