somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Two words: nipple clamps
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