I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
