You just made me feel so damn special
youre lurking in front of me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
