How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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