You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Me too!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just sent this text using only my big toe
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
