I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
