So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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