Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
