Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
