maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
