:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
