he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
